


Kisses

by AnjuHime



Series: Bittersweet [4]
Category: Topp Dogg (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 20:18:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8027599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnjuHime/pseuds/AnjuHime
Summary: Your kisses can burn me, protect me, or leave me crying - they don't belong to me anymore





	Kisses

Your kisses are like lava. They burn and set on fire everything in their way. My body is slowly being eaten by the flames.

It’s good, it’s bad. Make me feel whole, make me feel alive.

It’s burning me - I can’t say that I hate it, I can’t say that I like it.

 --

_“B-joo! Come out! Let’s go to the convenience store!”_

  _“Hurry up and come out!”_

 Why did he believe them again?

_“We got him, we got him!”_

_“This mission was a success!”_

Laughs, snickers, jokes. He could hear it all.

He was sick of it. Why was he always the victim? Where was the fun of every fucking prank?

_“Wait, we’re filming. Wait!”_

He couldn’t do anything. The cameras, the managers, the staff. And the other members too. He was sick of everything. He just wanted them to stop.

\--

 I’m safe, that’s what I like to think. Your body, your arms, your smell, your hair, your kisses - they make me feel safe, like nothing can hurt me again. But we both know that’s a lie. There’s a whole world outside, full of hateful and hurtful things, people, words and actions that mark and burn my skin - just like your kisses.

 --

  _“You need to rest! Your knee is still hurting because of the fall!”_

 It’s alright. It doesn’t hurt anymore, not enough to make me stop.

_“I’ll kill them if they try something like that again! Byungjoo, you need to stand up for yourself! That stupid prank could have ruined your chances, your career! Wake up for a second!”_

Who was he kidding? He knew as much as I did that I couldn’t do it. It would get worse.

_“Please, stop! For me, Byungjoo? Your knee really needs to rest! Just for an hour… please, please! Or it will get worse! Byungjoo!”_

He could see Hansol’s angry face looking at him, but he couldn’t stop. He had to dance, he had to improve. They had just debuted and he had to get better. For them, for himself, for Hansol. He had to do it.

\--

I didn’t mean to cry. Why did he need to see me like this? I’m so weak...

\--

I’m here, you’re here as well. We’re both in the same place, but it isn’t the same anymore.

Your kisses no longer burn me, your gaze isn’t supposed to set me on fire, your touch doesn’t keep me safe now - that isn’t for me, none of that belongs to me now.

\--

Why wasn’t Hansol looking at him? It was almost like he didn’t… exist. Why was he smiling at his phone like that? That smile… that smile belonged to Byungjoo! It was only for him for more than two years! So why was he giving that smile not to him but to… to his phone?

 _“Are you talking to ToppKlass? They should be sleeping, you know? You need to tell them that!”_ He walked closer to Hansol, trying to see what the other was doing, but Hansol turned the screen away from his sight.

 _“Nu-uh~ I’m just talking with my friend...”_ Hansol gave the phone that smile again as a new message popped-up on the screen, making him laugh, his cheeks blooming in a soft pink.

Byungjoo could only stare at him with a small frown on his face. He wanted to know. He was his best friend, he should… he could know… right?

 _“Won’t you tell me? Come on~ I’m your best friend!”_ Putting the best puppy eyes and pout he could muster at that hour of the night, he stared at Hansol, his curiosity and that weird feeling growing second by second.

Hansol just looked at him for a brief second and then back to his phone, typing like crazy and grinning. _“So? You’re right, you are my best friend, but I also have my own privacy, Byungjoo. But if you’re so curious, I’m talking to Mikey~”_

 _“Oh…”_ And there was that name again. That guy again. _Hansol’s new friend… or more than that._

_Who am I now?_

\--

What am i supposed to do now? What happened? Why are you not kissing me anymore?

I catch you now kissing someone else - it’s the same kisses, the same eyes, the smile that was once only for me.

Did I change? Did you change? How could something like this happen?

You don’t belong to me anymore, but I’m still here, standing and living in the moment, frozen in time - in our time, the happy and the sad ones, but it’s still our precious time.

\--

_“Why do they keep insisting? We’re not boyfriends! I’m so done with everything!”_

You’re right, we’re not. We never were… there was never a label to us.

 _“I swear… why is everyone like this? Why can’t they see we’re just friends? You're my best friend, Byungjoo!”_  
  
I wish I could say something, but I can’t. It doesn’t feel right.

\--

Will I ever feel your kisses again? Your arms around me again?

I’m not weak now. I can’t be weak now since I don’t have you to protect and comfort me anymore - I don’t have your sweet kisses anymore. I need to live without them.

It’s time to grow up.

\--

_Why? Why did you go? Why did you leave me here?_

\-- 

I shall carry the memories of your kisses with me until my last breath and dream about every one of them until I can’t wake up from that sweet dream where you stand by my side, with your arms around me and lips against mine.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry!!! I feel like every part of this series is getting shorter and shorter!! Sorry~


End file.
